


Please Don't

by LillithEvans



Category: MXM (Band), Produce 101 (TV)
Genre: Also writing for Donghyun was surprisingly harddddd, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Really it's all angst, That and lots of pining, straight up angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-13 20:59:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12992415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LillithEvans/pseuds/LillithEvans
Summary: written for: Prompt #342When Jeongyeon's not yelling at them – she’s blindingly beautiful. The type of beautiful that crawls up on you unsuspectingly and leaves you knocked breathless.In fact, she’s so bright that Donghyun feels like he’s blended into the shadows as he watches the two of them step closer to each other unconsciously.Like him, Youngmin never really stood a chance either.





	Please Don't

**Author's Note:**

> Was this story a gratuitous way for me to write a story about Jeongyeon being a bad ass bitch ~~who has two guys into her~~?
> 
> Probably TBH.
> 
> Based entirely on the K.Will music video for the song Please Don't. (go watch it has my baby Seo In Guk :))

“Did you know?”

“Did I know what?” Donghyun responds tersely.

He should hate her. He really should –

But to be honest - Donghyun’s always been a little bit in love with Jeongyeon.

She’s the epitome of everything he’d want in a girl.

She’s perfectly proportioned to tuck under his chin, sized to sandwich in the hold of his arms, even the shape of her lips seem molded to blend into his –

But she’s not his for the taking and perhaps, more importantly, she’s actually an easy way out.

He feels a knock at the base of his skull and turns to look at where Jeongyeon has settled in comfortably in the passenger side of his vehicle.

The knock grows more insistent, demanding entrance – demanding that he let Jeongyeon flitter away from his mind but he refuses to let her go.

He needs her here. He needs her as the personification of his imagination. Jeongyeon is kind, brash, bright and beautiful. Jeongyeon lets him hide. 

“Did you know that I liked you first?” He laughs. He could always tell that she had a soft spot for him. “At first glance, I mean. You were more my style. Pretty. Innocent. All the things a noona looks for.” She giggles to herself, mischeviousness sparkling in her eyes.

God she’s beautiful. “I can’t believe that. Don’t you remember how we met?”

Jeongyeon wiggles her eyebrows. She’s trying to be funny, except there’s nothing funny about the situation they’re in right now. “Please - all that yelling was an excuse to talk to you-”

He feels his heart stop in his chest, scoffing disbelievingly. That doesn't sound like her. "Next thing you'll tell me is that you were waiting for me to kiss you all these years-"

She ignores him instead choosing to confuse his already scattered heart. “Kim Donghyun – did you know you’re perfect?” Jeongyeon giggles behind her hands and his eyes glance over to the tightly wound silver band on her left finger.

God even his imagination can’t give him a break.

“If I was really that perfect, wouldn’t I have that ring on my finger?” He asks her pointedly.

It's as if his words have halted his imagination, given it no more food to deliver sarcastic responses and weirdly flirty remarks. Yoo Jeongyeon stills, her mouth stops laughing, the smile falls from her face and she's left looking at him like -

Donghyun steps harder on the accelerator of his BMW X5.

None of this is her fault.

It’s his.

He’s the person behind his own suffering.

How can he hate Jeongyeon for his own mistakes?

\-------------------

 

_He sighs as he looks at the girl across the cash from him._

_She’s been yelling in his face for the past five minutes - rage flying past her lips and hitting him in the chest like bullets of perfectly sharpened retorts that leave little holes in his chest where his dignity used to be.  “How can you serve someone something so disgusting?! There’s no cheese on here and the mayo is completely in horrible proportions –“_

_He stays silent. What can he say?_

**_‘Uh lady this is a Burger King - if you want something better shouldn’t you be at a better restaurant?’_ **

_He has a feeling that wouldn’t go over very well. This girl in her plain blue skinny jeans, loose sweater and perfectly coiffed short hair is -_

_Well - she’s a bitch._

_Against that?_

_Donghyun never really stood a chance._

_“You okay?” The voice is soft at his side as the woman scoffs and turns away from him._

_Youngmin has a habit of coming to help him with messy customers._

_Donghyun doesn’t really nod but in seconds he’s found himself pulled away from the beautiful girl at the register._

_Youngmin straightens his spine to look at their offensive customer straight on. “I’m sorry – we’re all out of cheese right now and we’ll be getting a delivery later-“_

_“You think that’s an excuse?” Perfection demands nothing less than herself. “What am I supposed to do here? Just wait till your shipment of cheese arrives?”_

_“Well – no – “ Youngmin smiles at her and she falters._

_Donghyun can see why that would happen._

_Youngmin’s smile is built of perfectly straight white teeth. It’s the type of smile that makes mothers coo, women swoon and - “What if you and I go to the grocery store and get cheese together? I’ll even come back here personally to put it on your burger!”_

_Perfection looks at Youngmin stupidly for a second._

_Donghyun does too._

_That has to go down in the books as one of the most horrific lines ever used._

_But she laughs anyways._

_It works._

_“Ya – are you mental?”_

_Donghyun sees Youngmin step backwards this time. When she’s not yelling at them – she’s blindingly beautiful. The type of beautiful that crawls up on you unsuspectingly and leaves you knocked breathless._

_In fact, she’s so bright that Donghyun feels like he’s blended into the shadows as he watches the two of them step closer to each other unconsciously._

_Like him, Youngmin never really stood a chance either._

\------------------------------------

“Donghyun - are you okay?” Jeongyeon asks gingerly.

His responding laugh is laced with bitterness.

What a question to ask. Is he okay?

No. No, he is not okay. In no universe will he ever be okay.

He’s ridden with jealousy. It’s coming off him in waves of negativity, crowding out all breathable oxygen in this car. Just as well, he didn't really need to breathe to cut at the Jeongyeon in his car. “You’re not supposed to be here. You aren’t even real – who the hell are you to ask me if I’m okay?”

“We know – “ He turns to give her a stern look and she backs off. “Please keep your eyes on the road, I’m not real, remember?”

Even his imagination is more logical than he is. “I can’t just ignore you Jeongyeon – that’s the problem. That’s always been the problem.”

“Do you regret it?”

“Regret what?”

Jeongyeon doesn’t answer him right away.

The silence festers in the car.

Donghyun grows anxious, fingers fidgeting with the wheel, breath trembling until her words erupt from her lips, unlocking a tiny door in his heart.

A tiny door he’d wanted to keep closed forever. “You know what.”

\-----------------------

_“Kim Donghyun – I can’t believe you finally got a job!” Jeongyeon has stars in her eyes when she hugs him. “Our Donghyunnie is going to be a big bad accountant in some fancy little firm in Gangnam – “_

_“Actually the Pricewaterhousecoopers office is in Yongsan, Jeongyeon noona.” She’s not listening to him, she’s pulling his cheeks, smiling happily and all Donghyun can do is stare back dumbly._

_She’s always going to be rude, bright, loud and-_

_There._

_Just so close._

_Lately, it feels like she has become so integral to their daily life that even for him it's hard to imagine a day without Jeongyeon by his side._

_He laughs to himself, shaking his head as he pulls her hands off him._

_She’s not even his girlfriend._

_If he’s being honest with himself - that word disturbs him quite a bit._

_It places rules and regulations on his relationship with both Jeongyeon and Youngmin._

_They’re a couple now._

_It’s a ‘we’ unit that he is dragging to the movies, and a ‘we’ unit that take him out for his birthday – and a ‘we’ unit that he has to avoid like the plague in his own bloody house._

_“Are you bothering him again?” His roommate stands at the frame of the doorway looking at the way Donghyun and  Jeongyeon are entrenched in each other._

_Another man may have been jealous._

_And maybe - with another girl - Youngmin would be jealous – but Donghyun is no threat. Jeongyeon babies him, if anything._

_Donghyun hates Youngmin for being so – nonchalant._

_Youngmin doesn’t care._

_Not in the way Donghyun wants him to._

_When Youngmin comes over to the sofa, leaning into his girlfriend - Donghyun turns his eyes away._

_It’s not like they’re making out, or even being overly affectionate with each other but when Jeongyeon smiles up at Youngmin, Donghyun can’t help but wonder –_

_Maybe Jeongyeon is the real thing and maybe he's just a fake that has to keep his mouth shut for the rest of his life._

_“Ya- Im Youngmin, go get a job like Donghyun and then talk to me. At least, treat him better- he’s getting too skinny – I like him with a little fat on his cheeks – “_

_“Yo – who put a roof on his head for like three years when he was studying? Right Donghyun?” Youngmin’s teeth stretch widely._

_Donghyun feels his chest squeeze. Right – he’d been meaning to talk to Youngmin about that._

_The past few weeks have been tough. What he’s about to say will only make things tougher. “About that – now that I have a job – I mean – I’m thinking of leaving.”_

_For a second, just a second – he sees Youngmin’s eyes flicker with an unrecognizable emotion as he nods with a closed smile._

_It’s the same smile Youngmin used to give their supervisor when he came into the lunchroom to harp on the fact that Youngmin and Donghyun had taken 15 minutes too long to get back on the floor. “It’s time for that? Already?”_

_Donghyun shrugs weakly. Youngmin nods understandingly – and the mood quiets._

_Jeongyeon looks between the two of them confused as they look anywhere but at each other._

_Then he feels it. Jeongyeon’s fingers lace through his and Donghyun looks up at her in shock as she smiles at him. She understands. She knows why he’s doing this. “Honestly, Donghyun is kind of a saint for living with you for so long – I mean I’ve seen you cut your toenails – Im Youngmin you’re disgusting –“_

_Just like that – their moment breaks._

_“YAH!” Youngmin tickles her, wraps his arms over her waist, laughs into her ears._

_Donghyun laughs too._

_Youngmin is his best friend._

_He wants to see Youngmin happy._

_He wants Jeongyeon to be real. For Youngmin._

_Jeongyeon moves upwards to capture Youngmin’s lips quickly in hers and the action makes Youngmin’s fingers stop their mission to tickle her into an early grave._

_Instead, they tighten over her waist and Donghyun turns back towards the stairs to walk up._

_He shouldn’t be here anymore._

_He’s just in the way of their happiness._

\-------------------------

“I knew the moment we told you –“

“You knew the moment you told me what?” He repeats like a parrot. For someone who is made out of the deepest crevices of his sub-conscious desires, the Jeongyeon in front of him is pretty shit at explaining anything. “You knew I liked mint chocolate ice cream from Baskin Robbins the best? You knew I hated Management Accounting with Professor Lee-?”

“Donghyun, I knew about your feelings.” Her words hit him like a cannonball intent on destroying the last threads of order in his mind.

He feels his breathing grow ragged. “I don’t have feelings –“

What a lie. “Donghyun-ah - you were trying very hard to hide them but it wasn’t that hard to see. I honestly thought you were going to punch one of us someday from sheer stress.”

The knock at the base of his skull grows louder.

“I’d never punch you Jeongyeon.” He curses himself as he sees that look of pity return in her eyes.

“You’re a pretty shit actor Donghyun – stick to your day job.” She pets his shoulder lightly and a chill runs through his frame.

The sensation he feels at her touch is not one he’s used to.

Jeongyeon’s touches are delicate, caressing, saccharine sweet-

The hand he feels on his shoulder is dependably strong, firm in grip and careful to hold him up now as he almost falls to the wheel.

\----------

_“We’re getting married-“_

_This is unfair – this is very unfair._

_Donghyun’s just put a delicious piece of Brie in his mouth._

_Youngmin knows he has a weakness for a particularly well rinded piece of deli cheese and now he’s sitting here with a perfectly good piece of Brie in his fucking mouth and it tastes like shit._

_“I’m so happy for you.” Donghyun manages to mumble, his face anything but as he debates how he’s going to swallow this mouthful of ashes._

_“Yeah – you really look it.” Jeongyeon remarks as she holds up her left hand. “Thoughts on the ring?”_

_“It’s fine?” Donghyun laughs sarcastically. It’s all the genuine emotion he can manage in this situation. He feels blindsided by his friends. “You guys are young. I mean – is it really necessary?”_

_Youngmin reaches for Jeongyeon’s left hand capturing it in his like he’s intent to lead it for the rest of his life._

_Donghyun wishes he could take the question back._ _He isn’t really ready for the answer._

_“Donghyun-ah, we want to start a family soon. Jeongyeon may be a modern woman but her mother most certainly is not –“_

_“And I like that old broad.” Jeongyeon sighs as Youngmin snickers nodding._

_“I like her too –“_

_“Wow –“ Thankfully, his words put a stop their banter, for once._

_Jeongyeon frowns again, she looks like she wants to ask him something but he can’t let her do that._

_She’s always been a bit too perceptive._

_So instead he puts his hands up in defeat. Who is he kidding? He lost this battle so long ago – it doesn’t even matter. “What can I say to that?”_

_“Say you’re happy for us!” Youngmin repeats searching his eyes._

_Immediately, Donghyun closes them._

_If he keeps them open, he’s not sure what Youngmin will find – it’s best to annihilate the opportunity from the start._

_It’s best to smile blind._

_It’s best to shut himself off._

_“I already did say that, you idiot.” His words come out gritted out tighter than before and he practically feels the couple turn to look at each other. “I mean it.”_

_He’s sure he doesn’t mean it but what is he supposed to say?_

_How is he supposed to beg them selfishly to remain the way they are?_

_Or better, to break up for some stupid reason?_

_How does he ask to be looked at?_

_How does he ask for his chance?_

_Jeongyeon leans over to reach for his knees. “I don’t have a maid of honor- and you’re Youngmin’s-“_

_“I’ll do it. Whatever you want me to do – I’ll do. I’ll do it.”_

_Just stop talking. Please._

_Please don’t say more._

_Not right now._

\--------------------------

“I could never hate you.” He lies and sees her laugh.

“Please, you hate me now – I can tell. I’m a part of you remember?” Her softened gaze breaks something in Donghyun’s body as his vision fogs.

He pushes the accelerator harder.

He hates that he can’t even run away successfully.

“Donghyun-ah, I’m sorry - I’m the reason things have turned out this way –“

God - how can she say sorry?

He screams before she can say anything more.

Mostly because it’s the only way he can hack his brain to shut up.

He wants Jeongyeon to stop.

He’s always wanted her to stop.

He’s always wanted to turn back time – does he have to be put through this torture right now?

“Right now, Youngmin and I are over the Pacific ocean flying to Hawaii and you are – here. In your car. Speaking to what can be at best described a pathetic copy of-“

He pulls the car over to the side quickly and bangs on the breaks.

Why doesn’t she ever stop?

Even in his head?

\---------------------------

_“Ya – how do I look?”_

_“You look fine.” Jeongyeon frowns in front of him and hits his shoulders. “What! You do look fine!”_

_“Like – can you be any worse a maid of honor –“_

_“I’m a maid of honor?” He laughs into his hands as Jeongyeon huffs, hitting her feet on the floor in what can only be described as a mildly elephant line tantrum. “Sorry sorry – I know I said I’d be whatever you guys wanted me to be.”_

_“I know, I know – you’re Youngmin’s best man before anything else –“ He freezes at the mention of the words. “It’s because I was going to make you wear a dress right?”_

_Make a joke Kim Donghyun._

_It’ll make it better._

_It’ll make your life less of a joke. “Jeongyeon - want to match? I might steal your thunder in a wedding dress-”_

_“Psht-“ Jeongyeon laughs as she pushes his shoulders. “You want to wear my wedding dress, right now?”_

_It’s a simple joke._

_It’s an easy one to laugh at but Donghyun can’t do it._

_He can’t even smile._

_Jeongyeon doesn’t get a chance to notice as her mother pulls her away. Donghyun is left staring after her departing form from the doorway, not welcoming guests like he was supposed to do._

_“Yo –“ Youngmin’s hands come over his shoulders. Donghyun feels his throat tighten when he looks up at Im Youngmin’s face. “Scared I caught you slacking off?”_

_He lets himself weaken and automatically Youngmin’s frame holds him up. “Yeah. I’m kind of shit at being your best man.”_

_“Hey man, all you have to do is stand there and breathe and you’ll still be the best man I’ve ever known.” Where Youngmin’s laugh is free-spirited, joyous and overly buoyant with the day’s happiness- Donghyun’s is tight, restricted in sound, and cut into clear differentiated sounds. “Fuck, I’m nervous man –“_

_“You love her don’t you?” Donghyun knows the answer to this question. For god’s sake, he’s seen their relationship blossom in front of his eyes for the past five years._

_At his words, Youngmin blossoms beautifully in front of his eyes too. He hates that Youngmin has Jeongyeon. “Yeah – I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else.” Donghyun blinks back tears. “Ya – are you crying?”_

_“Fuck off – I’m not crying-“_

_“YOU’RE CRYING-“  Youngmin laughs. “Man – at least save it for the altar maid of honor!” Youngmin's always been a bit bossy, a bit too caring and a bit too dominant. So Donghyun lets him twist his frame inwards until Youngmin's arms are around his shoulders, hands carefully patting Donghyun's head into his chest. "You’re one of the best things in my life Kim Donghyun –“_

_Donghyun releases a shaky breath as the guilt of everything he’s feeling consumes him and he pushes Youngmin away roughly. “I-I-“_

_“Youngmin – it’s time. Donghyun, you come along too.” Youngmin’s father ushers them towards the aisle. Youngmin holds his hand to pull him across it since he’s walking too slowly._

_Donghyun stares at his back. The sight is painful – but it’s so ridiculously happy that he can’t look away._

_He holds onto Youngmin’s fingers tighter._

_Since the groom and bride are the main focus of the shots anyways, he stands far far away and watches his best friend marry the girl of his dreams._

_He curses himself for wishing his feet are standing in front of the audience before them._

_He curses himself for wanting to be enveloped in kisses, warm hands and smiles._

_He curses himself for wanting to be-_

\-------------

He pulls out the picture in his wallet and starts crying.

“What are you doing?” Jeongyeon asks softly as he cries into his hands. “Donghyun –“

“I hate you guys for making me go through what I did –“

“Donghyun-ah, crying isn’t a sign of weakness – it’s a sign of having tried too hard to be too strong for too long.” He stops whimpering to see Jeongyeon look at him with tears in her eyes. She’s sobbing now. “You’ve worked hard Kim Donghyun. We’re happy now because of you. It’s been worth it, I swear. We’ll be happy. I swear.” He turns towards her, a hand reaching to Jeongyeon’s cheek as she tilts her head in towards him –

Maybe it’s been worth it -

But she disappears.

And he’s left alone in the car.

He starts to rip the photo down the middle.

If he pulls himself out of their frame - will the pain ease?

\---------------------

_The air licks his face, cold, biting and with that definite stench of autumn in the air. He’s shivering despite the layers of clothing on his shoulders that should assure him of warmth. “Why are you standing out here? Jeongyeon wants us to take pictures-“_

_“Five more minutes-“_

_“YA – enough come inside! It’s cold out here and you said that, five minutes ago.” Instead of disappearing like he had five minutes ago, Youngmin comes to stand beside him. Donghyun stiffens and shifts to the left. “Thank you, Donghyun.”_

_“For what?”_

_“For being there. When I ran away from Busan and came to Seoul I had no friends – when I started working at the restaurant I didn’t expect to become best friends with some random university kid – I didn’t expect to find someone I could trust so easily. I didn’t expect to find someone I wouldn’t want by my side every day-“_

_“Hey are you marrying me –“ He jokes as he backs away from him but Youngmin reaches for his shoulders again._

_He’s hugging him again._

_“I am so grateful for you.” The whisper of Youngmin’s words fold into the curls of Donghyun’s hair hot, heavy, built with a burden that’s settling over his heart as Donghyun’s eyes close._

_It’s the closest he’s gotten to the words that will comfort his shattered soul today._

_“You are the best thing in my life, Im Youngmin. I could never hurt you.” His words are muffled into Youngmin’s shirt._

_He almost wishes that Youngmin wouldn’t hear them._

_Youngmin’s arms tighten around his waist._

_“Let’s go?” Youngmin’s hands and fingers have found their way through his. Youngmin's_ _eyes are staring down at his with the warmth of a million bright suns and Donghyun feels his heart soar._

_They make their way over to the pedestal in front of the audience._

_Youngmin lets go of his hand at the end._

_Donghyun climbs to the steeple step._

_He turns to look at Youngmin’s smiling face._

_“Ready?” The photographer calls out._

_He looks straight ahead._

_It’s his only option now._

\---------------

He feels his stomach heave when his fingers disgustingly put the tattered pieces of the photo back together without Jeongyeon in the middle.

In some universe, maybe this might have happened. In some universe, he’d press the side of his frame into Youngmin’s. Youngmin’s hands would wind their way around his waist, their smiles would face the world and then –

For once, Donghyun wouldn’t just be on the sidelines.

The knock at the base of his skull finally quiets.

“You okay?” The deeper voice that floats to his ears dries up his tears instantly as he turns to look at the person in the passenger seat.

“Can I say it? Can I say it all? Finally?”

Youngmin sits beside him, head lowered as he gazes out of the car dumbly.

All Donghyun can do is say the words that have choked him for so long he can’t breathe. “Im Youngmin, there hasn’t been a day that I’ve known you that I have never not loved you, that I have never not wanted you. Whether it was in the lunchroom, on the way home, as we moved in together, as we built some shamble of a life together – I always wanted you. You – were my dream. My heaven. My world – but – I couldn’t tell you – I couldn’t do it because I knew – I knew you’d never feel that way about me.”

The silence lies deaf in the car as Donghyun turns to look at Youngmin.

Unlike Jeongyeon, who was verbally wild – Youngmin is reserved even in his mind as he’s always prone to being.

This is the problem. This is why Donghyun has never felt comfortable putting himself out there. This is why he’s never known what Youngmin thinks and today even his imagination won’t give him the closure he needs to move on.

So of course, as he stares at the meta-physical representation of the pain he's felt for the past five years - Im Youngmin doesn’t say a word.

And all Donghyun can do is crash his face into the steering wheel in front of him.

Even here, like this, he ends up heartbroken.

It’s his only option now.

**Author's Note:**

> I have never answered prompts before bc in general even my own prompts in my head drive me mental but this was fun to write :) it didn't turn out exactly the way I wanted it to BUT such is the exercise (and I got out of my comfort zone tbh bc I've never really written for this pairing but I hope it turned out okay :))


End file.
